Now here.. I am thinking about how many times I hear a “spiritual teacher” say something like:
- Be the real you
- Be yourself
- Be the subjective self not the objective self
- You are not an object – you have to be you
I kinda got it, but not really. However, recently – I got a little more of it. And here it is.
When we are in our objective self and not in our real self – it is similar to watching a movie in your head. For example, when you are sitting on the couch and a scene from the day comes up. You remember a work interaction, or the drive home, or the grocery store incident. At that point, your watching a movie in your head of what happened. If you really get going, you might even have a second level with commentary on how you should have handled it or the comeback you never thought of till three hours and two beers later. In that moment, you are the object. You are looking at you. You might even be judging you. You have split you.
When we are in our self (some say subjective) we are actually experiencing things instead of watching a movie in our head of the past or created future views. So, same person and same couch – but this time we are feeling the material under our hand, noticing how the beer tastes and its coolness. We hear the sounds around us. When a memory comes of the day’s events, we notice – ahh a memory. If it is strong and wants our attention – we notice the underlying feeling of the memory and sit with that (not in judgement but present to the feelings of it). How much attention do we want to give it. Perhaps – none at all. We return to experience and sensation.
Now, at first this is different and interesting, and then our mind thinks… “How BORING! And – I really need to re-look at what happened today and re-asses – so I can do better tomorrow”. Ok, let’s choose re-assessing for tomorrow. That would take a single review. But it is usually obsessing versus re-assessing – cause we play it and play it and play it. The mind plays it til we get just the right feeling to let it go, feel righteous, feel oppressed… what ever state our mind feels most comfortable in and familiar with for itself. Not to you, but to the mind within you- to itself. Cause you are not your mind.
Sitting in stillness is scary to the mind/ego. It needs distraction but you don’t. The real you doesn’t.
Presence is like any muscle… you have to build it. Boring? Maybe? But if you avoid discovering what it has for you… your in for the same old couch life. Chasing the good feeling the mind wants.
If you choose presence, you wont chase. You’ll find the real you. The real you is a big curiosity – it’s the unknown, its limitless in ways that defy reason… just on the other side of a mind that says its boring. Cause it is way more than the where you start – but you start with noticing, sensing, feeling, anything but thinking about your mental image of you. Everything waits on the other side of the boring door!
So my big take away was… any time I am thinking about me – I am no longer being me.
So if I am:
- Replaying a movie in my mind about the day – I am an object – I am looking at a version of me
- Shopping and wondering what folks will think if they saw me in this outfit – I am an object – I am looking at a version of me
- Asking a question and hope I look smart – or I am speaking to look smart – I am an object – I am portraying a version of me
- Take the time to get through what my mind thinks is boring about presence and sit with the real me – I wont care about this stuff anymore!
Anytime you are thinking about you – you are no longer you. That is an object – something you look at. The subject is the one looking, close your eyes!