The experience:
I had just been centered for quite some time, listening and watching some of my thoughts. I noticed that they had a theme of fear and worry. And they were subtly demanding things. Not in a harsh way, but still statements like – I need this or that by a certain time. The thoughts were not angry, but worried or concerned. I still recognized they were demands. Then I realized – the demands came from a place where I needed something from the other (God, universe, people, or the economy). I realized they were rooted in the idea of being separate. I am over here and it is over there and I need it. And I could logically say, “well, isn’t that true… It is outside of my hands – I can’t give it to me – the other has to do that”. It was a solid belief that I was separate. However, I am not separate so this belief (though it felt so true -provable- believable) was not real.
This realization of not being separate was so deeply felt – that I instantly saw my whole life come up and a barrage of lifetime images rolled through my awareness of subtle and not so subtle times that I had demanded of others, God as I knew it, and myself. I couldn’t sit still. I started to shake and let out a moan. I jumped out of my chair and started running through the house. I stopped to shake, then started running again. I came to a wall and gently bounced into it while moving and turning. The sounds still came out of my body. After a bit, this subsided. More awareness came to mind of how I am not separate – how my requests and statements do not have to be a demand. I can state what I believe I need. Since I am not separate from all that is (source) – well – then of course I want the best and highest for me. Then, I let it go and trust. Yes, that is the hard part.
The problem:
As soon as I do that my mind starts ranting what ifs! I am being real here. Of course, my mind wants to solve it yesterday – financial needs, personal desires, health issues – there is a list of hopes, desires and needs that rise up from the mind – still insisting that I am separate. All these years of looking at the world from the separate perspective doesn’t just vanish – but I do have the new deeply felt awareness that this is an old way of living. Shifting this perspective is part of the journey too.
It defies the mind – literally defies it. I can’t minimize this aspect. It was the opposite of what I knew according to my experience. I believed the lie so deeply; it was all that I thought I knew. And, I can be stuck in that for as long as I want. This awareness came with the next realization about the total acceptance of an undemanding universe. The universe does not demand that I change my mind. It fully supports my right to choose and create my world. Crap! There was something so beautiful and comforting about things being out of my control – being separate – being at the mercy of whatever. At least, I tried to achieve X and it was beyond my control if I couldn’t get it. And this new way of thinking – of not being separate landed me back in the same place in a way – to let go of demands and control and trust. It is the same place but with no one to blame – no circumstances to fault. No deniability.
The answer:
The acceptance of an undemanding universe is teaching us the way. The universe allows me to roll in it – to stay in fear and worry. It doesn’t demand that I give up separation. But then I live the life of that belief. If I choose to release it – then I accept a level of power I have always had but wasn’t using. But that power is not structured as I have understood power. The power of letting go of control is different than the power and safety of being controlled or controlling. Acceptance is one of the keys that opens this power. Accepting that you have it, accepting that your mind and ego doesn’t control it for its own uses. Accepting that you are more than your ego and mind – and that is why it cannot control it – the ego is limited. Accepting there is nothing to blame. Accepting that things may not look as your mind wants it too. Accepting that you are safe even when you don’t have all the answers. Accepting moving into a power flow that is working for you but that you do not always understand. Accepting you are more powerful than your mind can understand when you don’t micromanage outcomes. Accepting that you love yourself and as a part of source you are operating for your highest outcome. Accepting that power is not control. Accepting confusion. Accepting the role of participating in your own power and letting go of the safety of demands. And even as you do this – it is not then suddenly you are to blame! Can you accept that? Even as you move into this space, there is not blame – just learning what works and what doesn’t. That you are not powerless or separate and that being one is about accepting more and more and demanding less and less – not even someone or something to blame. Oh, the amazing love, power and acceptance of an undemanding universe.
The ego or mind has many questions for a love this big. The questions feel so real and right – yet they come from an inability to accept and understand. In those moments, we accept the question and love is the answer. That doesn’t always satisfy the questioner, but it does answer the question.
The universe completely accepts you and demands nothing of you. What does it know to function in this manner? And when we join the power of that flow, how does that change our function within it and with one another?